If you’re walking through a season of singleness when you have always desired and prayed for a strong relationship, it’s okay that you might feel confused and frustrated.
You feel like you’re drowning in your pain and unhappiness. You’re wondering where God is, and why you can’t connect with Him. You’re longing to find the deep connection to God you once felt. Your sadness and worry keep you stuck in a lonely place, without experiencing the fullness of His presence.
However, it is possible to cultivate fulfillment and growth in the here and now. Being single and depressed or lonely doesn’t have to define you. Let’s talk about how you can use this time to become your best self and prepare for the path that lies ahead of you.
Being a Single Christian Woman and Longing for More
Perhaps over the years, you’ve felt called to become a wife and/or a mother, but it feels like it’s never going to happen. There can be immense pressure from family, society, your church community, or friend group to settle down. Maybe you’ve watched countless friends form strong relationships and get married. You’re happy for them of course, but you wonder, when will it be my turn?
Or, if your birthday brings an anxious feeling of dread that another year has passed and your life plan isn’t how you pictured it, you’re not alone. Many people feel this way, whether it’s about a relationship, a career or another life goal.
It’s important to remember that your life’s purpose does not solely rely on your relationship with another person.
What to Do When Your Faith is Challenged
You may find yourself wondering, if God has goodness in store for me, then why am I going through this? How could he love me, yet not rescue me from the depths of my pain? There are so many contradictions between your faith and your circumstances. So you doubt yourself and feel like you aren’t a good enough believer.
And you have trouble trusting God, which makes you feel like you don’t measure up. You’re tired of all this. You want to step into who God has created you to be.
Trust the Timing and Plan for Your Life
I have some news for you: you are already who God created you to be. There is a plan and a purpose for the season of life you are experiencing right now. While there may be an opportunity for you to serve God and others in the future as a wife or mother in the future, there are many opportunities for you to serve God and others right where you are.
“For everything there is a season…”
Mental Health Stigma in the Christian Community
In order to overcome the feelings of loneliness and depression you may feel being a single Christian woman, you should address the status of your mental health. Mental health issues including anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, or trauma could be a part of the reason why you haven’t reached the goals you have for yourself.
There’s a complicated relationship between some Christians and depression or other mental health struggles. Unfortunately, in some Christian communities and cultural groups, there is a stigma around therapy, medication, or mental health treatment in general. In fact, over half of Christian church leaders rarely or never discuss mental illness. In some churches, seeking mental health treatment can be seen as not relying fully on God. However, mental health should be addressed the same way we address physical health. We seek treatment from a medical professional for a broken leg or cancer in hopes that our bodies can heal, and seeking treatment for mental health issues can facilitate healing for the mind and spirit.
Practicing Self-Care in All Its Forms
Before you continue to seek a relationship with a partner, you must first have a strong relationship with yourself. When you have healthy self-care habits in place, you build self-confidence, mental and spiritual clarity, physical health, and direction for your next steps in life.
This is the obvious one you might think of when you hear the words “self-care.” Physical self-care can be anything from taking a meditative walk in nature, forming a skin-care routine, eating healthy foods, or staying hydrated. When you feel good physically, your mental state and confidence is boosted, too.
Emotional or Mental Self Care
Getting in touch with how you’re feeling and identifying why you’re feeling that way is the starting point of emotional self-care. Once you do that, you can channel your emotions into positive activities. Examples of emotional self-care activities include limiting the amount of news media you consume during stressful times, practicing gratitude by thinking of or writing down what you’re thankful for, positive self-talk, or reading an inspirational book.
Social Self Care
This form of self care manifests in our relationships with others. Connecting with others in a positive way is vital to mental health. Components of social self-care include setting and reinforcing boundaries, creating a support system for yourself with people who care about you, working to meet the emotional needs of others, and enjoying yourself with your friends and family.
Spiritual Self Care
Finally, this form of self-care is the way in which you nurture your spirit and connect with that that is larger than yourself. As a Christian, you might immediately think of prayer as the main form of spiritual self-care. However, it can be done in many forms, including meditation, quiet time, journaling, connecting with God’s creation in nature, creating art, activism, or even movement such as walking meditation.
Don’t Wait to Live Your Fullest Life
Being a single Christian woman who desires a relationship or marriage, you might be putting off the joy and fulfillment of your current stage of life. You are capable of leaving the days of labeling yourself single and depressed behind you. Instead, try to shift your focus to what you do have now. The time you have available as a single person could be used to volunteer with a cause you’re passionate about, travel and experience other cultures, deepen your relationship with God, learn new skills or hobbies, or advance your career. You have the freedom now to pursue these types of activities at full-force. With the ongoing commitment to another person or motherhood later down the road, you will not have a fraction of the time, energy, and available resources you have now.
As human beings, we need support systems and relationships to feel complete. If you are spending a lot of time thinking about a romantic partnership, you might be missing out on the friendships and connections in front of you. Furthermore, if you spend most of your time with married friends, it might be time to seek out other Christian single people who you can relate to.
To create these connections, see what we said above about living your fullest life. Sign up for a class you’re interested in, serve your community or church through volunteerism, or attend a new book club or Bible study. You are likely to find like-minded people doing activities that bring you joy.
Once you’ve made a new connection or friendship, foster that relationship. Show up and support your friends and loved ones through hard times. Invite them to spend time together doing something you both enjoy. Over time, your bonds will deepen and the support system around you will strengthen.
Through therapy, I’ll help you shed the layers of suffering keeping you isolated. You’ll begin to uncover the roots of lies you’re believing about yourself and begin to see yourself the way God sees you. You’ll grow into a new perspective on who you truly are, and get free from old negative beliefs about yourself.
You want to have confidence that your therapist understands your beliefs, values, and world view. I get it. I understand the importance of this confidence in building trust in the therapeutic relationship.
Let’s begin your journey toward a renewed heart and spirit. Contact me today for a free phone consultation.