Couples Therapy in Encino, CA
What Couples Therapy Helps With
Couples therapy can help when you keep getting pulled into the same conflicts, have difficulty recovering after disagreements, feel less connected than you used to, or struggle to talk about important parts of your relationship without the conversation escalating or shutting down. It can also help when trust has been damaged, you are navigating a major change, or you know something between you has shifted but are not sure how to change it.
The goal is not simply to solve the issue in front of you. We also look at what happens between you when things become difficult and what may help you communicate, repair, and respond to each other differently.
Why You Keep Having the Same Fight
Couples often come to therapy focused on the argument they keep having: money, the dishes, the in-laws, sex, parenting, how much time they spend together, or how late one partner stayed at work. Those issues matter. But when the same argument keeps coming back, there is often more happening between you than the subject you are arguing about.
For one partner, the conflict may carry questions such as: Do I matter to you? Are you there for me? Can I count on you when I need you? The other partner may feel criticized, overwhelmed, inadequate, controlled, or afraid that nothing they do will be enough. One may push harder for a response while the other becomes defensive or pulls away. In other relationships, both partners escalate, both withdraw, or the pattern changes depending on the situation.
Once that cycle takes over, it can become difficult to hear what the other person is actually trying to communicate. Couples therapy gives us a place to slow the interaction down, understand what each of you is reacting to, and help you speak more directly about what is happening underneath it.
This is one of the central ideas in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT): recurring conflict often makes more sense when we look at the pattern between you, not only the topic of the argument. What looks like anger, criticism, defensiveness, or withdrawal may also be an attempt to protect against feeling rejected, unimportant, inadequate, overwhelmed, or alone in the relationship.
You Don’t Have to Wait for a Crisis
You do not have to wait until your relationship feels close to breaking before starting couples therapy. Some couples reach out when things feel urgent or when they are unsure whether they can stay together. Others notice that they have become more distant, keep getting stuck in the same unresolved conversations, or no longer feel as connected as they used to.
There also does not have to be one major event that brings you to therapy. You may simply know that something between you is not working the way you want it to, even if many parts of your relationship are still going well. Working on these patterns earlier can give you more room to understand what is happening before frustration, resentment, or distance becomes more entrenched.
Couples Therapy or Individual Relationship Therapy?
Couples therapy may be the better fit when both of you want help with what is happening between you. The focus is on the relationship itself: the interactions you get caught in, the conflicts or disconnection you are struggling with, and how each partner’s responses affect the other.
You do not need your partner to participate in therapy in order to work on a relationship, however. Individual relationship therapy gives you space to look more closely at your own experiences, reactions, choices, and relationship patterns, whether you are trying to make sense of a current relationship, a past relationship, or what you want moving forward.
If you are unsure which would be more useful, we can talk about what is bringing you to therapy and whether it makes more sense to begin with both of you in the room or with the focus on your individual experience.
Common Reasons Couples Seek Therapy
Couples come to therapy for many different reasons. You may be struggling with recurring communication problems, trying to rebuild trust after an affair, or wanting to talk through important questions before marriage. Couples therapy can give you a place to understand what is happening between you and decide what you want to work on together.
If the Problem Is Communication
Communication problems are not always about knowing the right words. You may know how you want a conversation to go and still find yourself becoming defensive, overwhelmed, angry, quiet, or desperate to get through to your partner once the conversation becomes emotionally charged. Then the way each of you reacts can make it harder for the other person to hear what you are actually trying to say.
In couples therapy, we can slow those interactions down and pay attention to what happens for each of you before the conversation gets off track. Over time, you can become better able to recognize the pattern, communicate more directly, and repair difficult moments without getting pulled as quickly into the same familiar cycle.
After an Affair
Couples therapy after an affair often benefits from more structure, particularly in the beginning. An affair can deeply disrupt trust and change how a partner experiences the relationship. There may be questions about what happened, what is true now, what needs to change, and whether trust can be rebuilt.
Early work often focuses on stabilizing what is happening now, creating greater transparency where appropriate, and making room for questions and the emotional impact of the betrayal. Later, we may look more deeply at the relationship and at what contributed to the affair, without using relationship problems to excuse the decision to have one.
Repair after an affair is not guaranteed, and it usually takes time. Some couples are able to rebuild trust and remain together. Others use therapy to understand what happened and decide what comes next.
Premarital Counseling in Encino
Couples who come for premarital counseling are often not in crisis, and that is part of what can make the work so useful. Premarital counseling gives you a place to talk openly about expectations that may otherwise remain unspoken.
We may talk about how your families shaped your ideas about relationships, how you each think about money, how you handle disagreement, expectations around children or parenting, sex and affection, roles and responsibilities, boundaries with extended family, and how much closeness or independence each of you needs.
The goal is not to predict or prevent every difficulty you may encounter. It is to understand each other more clearly and begin marriage with more practice talking about the subjects that matter.
Not Sure Whether Couples Therapy Is Right for You?
You may have questions about couples therapy before deciding whether to start, especially if one of you feels more ready than the other or you are not sure what therapy would look like for your relationship. The fit with a couples therapist matters, and a consultation gives you a chance to learn more about how I work and ask questions before making that decision.
I offer a free 30-minute phone consultation so you can tell me a little about what brings you to therapy, ask any questions you may have, and get a sense of whether working together feels like a good next step.
How I Work With Couples: EFT Couples Therapy Los Angeles
When couples come to therapy, each partner understandably wants to feel understood. My role is not to decide who is right. I want to understand both of your experiences and what happens between you when a conversation goes off track. From there, we can slow the pattern down and begin to notice what each of you is reacting to, protecting against, or trying to communicate.
Understanding the Pattern Between You
Early in couples therapy, I pay close attention to what happens between you when a difficult conversation begins. One of you may push harder for an answer while the other pulls back. Both of you may become defensive or angry. Or you may avoid certain subjects altogether because experience has taught you where the conversation is likely to go.
We also pay attention to the places where each of you is especially sensitive to feeling dismissed, criticized, rejected, controlled, unimportant, or unable to get it right. Those reactions may be shaped by experiences in this relationship, earlier relationships, or both.
The goal is not to assign each of you a type or decide who started the problem. It is to make the pattern easier to recognize while it is happening. Once you can see how the interaction develops, there is more room to interrupt it and respond differently.
You also do not have to begin therapy equally hopeful or equally certain that it will work. Partners often come in at different places, and we can talk honestly about that too.
My Training in Emotionally Focused Therapy
My couples work is grounded in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), an attachment-based approach developed by Dr. Sue Johnson. I completed an EFT Externship through the Los Angeles Center for Emotionally Focused Therapy (LACEFT), and this training continues to shape how I understand recurring conflict, disconnection, and repair in relationships.
EFT looks beyond the subject of an argument to what happens between partners underneath their immediate reactions. In practice, that means we are not only trying to find better words or solve the immediate disagreement. We are also paying attention to what each of you is feeling, needing, or protecting against and what makes it difficult to reach one another when things become emotionally charged.
How EFT Helps Change the Conversation
Part of couples therapy involves slowing down moments that ordinarily happen very quickly. I may ask what happened for you just before you became angry, pulled away, defended yourself, or tried harder to get a response. A sharp comment may have followed feeling dismissed. Going quiet may have followed feeling overwhelmed or afraid of making things worse.
As we understand those moments more clearly, we work on communicating more directly about what is happening rather than relying on the reactions that have become familiar. The goal is not to eliminate disagreement. It is to help you stay more connected to yourself and to each other when difficult feelings or differences arise.
Session Details
Couples work often benefits from more time than a standard 50-minute session, so my couples sessions are 60 minutes. Most couples begin weekly, although biweekly sessions may also be appropriate depending on what we are working on and what is practical for you. As the work progresses, we may decide to space sessions out. We will go over rates, scheduling, and other logistics during the free phone consultation.
I am not in-network with insurance, but I provide superbills that you can submit for out-ofnetwork reimbursement if your PPO plan includes those benefits. If you are eligible and prefer it, I can also submit claims electronically on your behalf, which is often faster and easier.
I see couples in person in my Encino office, serving the San Fernando Valley and West Los Angeles, and I offer online couples therapy across California. Some couples prefer the convenience and flexibility of online sessions, particularly with Los Angeles driving time and parking, while others prefer being in the same room together. The two formats offer different experiences, but both can support meaningful couples work. We can talk about which option feels like a better fit for you.If One of You Is Not Ready
If your partner is not ready to participate, individual relationship therapy can still give you a place to look at what is happening in the relationship, understand your own reactions and choices, and think through what you want to do next.
If your partner is open to learning more but not ready to commit to therapy, a free phone consultation can also give you an opportunity to ask questions about how I work and whether couples therapy feels like a reasonable next step.
Frequently Asked Questions
Does couples therapy actually work?
Yes. Couples therapy can help many couples change recurring relationship patterns, communicate more directly, and repair after conflict. Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), which informs my work with couples, is an evidence-based approach that focuses on the emotional and relationship patterns that can keep couples stuck.
No approach can guarantee a particular outcome, and successful couples therapy does not always mean staying together. What matters is having enough willingness to look honestly at what is happening between you, pay attention to your own reactions as well as your partner’s, and try something different, even if you are starting from different places.
When should we go to couples therapy?
You do not have to wait until your relationship is in crisis to go to couples therapy. Couples often seek therapy when the same arguments keep returning, they have difficulty recovering after conflict, intimacy or closeness has changed, or they notice themselves becoming more distant. Couples therapy can also be helpful during major life transitions or before marriage.
There is no particular level of distress you have to reach before asking for help. If something between you keeps feeling difficult to resolve on your own, or you want to address it before the pattern becomes more entrenched, that can be enough reason to consider couples therapy.
What is EFT couples therapy?
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is an evidence-based, attachment-based approach to couples therapy developed by Dr. Sue Johnson. Rather than focusing only on the subject of an argument, EFT helps us understand what happens between partners underneath their immediate reactions and how those responses can create recurring patterns of conflict or disconnection.
In EFT couples therapy, we work on recognizing those patterns, understanding what each of you is feeling, needing, or protecting against, and finding different ways to reach and respond to one another when things become difficult.
Can couples therapy help after infidelity?
Yes. Couples therapy can help after infidelity by giving both partners a structured place to address what happened, the impact of the betrayal, and what rebuilding trust would require. Early work often focuses on what is happening now, what questions need to be addressed, and what each partner needs in order to continue talking about what happened.
If we later look at problems that existed in the relationship before the affair, that does not mean excusing the decision to have one. Repair after infidelity is not guaranteed, and some couples ultimately decide not to stay together. Others are able to rebuild trust and continue the relationship with a clearer understanding of what happened and what needs to be different going forward.
What if my partner doesn't really want to come?
Couples therapy when one partner doesn’t want to go can be difficult to begin, and it is common for one partner to feel more ready than the other. Your partner may worry about being blamed, feel uncertain that therapy will help, or simply not feel ready to talk about the relationship with someone else. Hesitation does not automatically mean couples therapy cannot help, but both partners need enough willingness to participate for the work to be useful.
If your partner does not want to participate, individual relationship therapy can still give you a place to understand your own experiences, reactions, and choices, and think through what you want to do next.
How long does couples therapy take?
How long couples therapy takes depends on what brings you in, how long the patterns have been developing, what happens between sessions, and what you want to change. Some couples come for a focused period of several months, while others benefit from working together for longer.
I do not expect every couple to follow the same timeline or finish within a set number of sessions. As therapy progresses, we can look at what is changing, what still feels stuck, and whether the frequency and overall length of the work continue to make sense for you.
Is it ever too late for couples therapy?
It is usually not too late for couples therapy, even if you have been struggling for a long time. Couples can come to therapy after years of distance, resentment, or recurring conflict, and the length of time a problem has existed does not determine whether the relationship can change. What matters more is whether each of you is willing to look honestly at what is happening, even if you are not equally certain about staying together.
If one or both of you are unsure about staying together, couples therapy can still provide a place to understand what has happened, talk more directly about where each of you stands, and decide what comes next. Therapy cannot guarantee repair, but uncertainty or a long history of problems does not automatically mean it is too late for couples therapy.
