If Your Childhood Wasn’t Ideal, It Could Impact Your Confidence As A Parent
If you lacked good parental role models growing up, you may feel like you’re starting from scratch. Now that you’re a parent, you may be trying to break the cycle of intergenerational trauma and avoid recreating the same conditions that hindered your upbringing. For example, if you grew up in a household where you weren’t encouraged to express yourself, you might lack confidence in how to teach your kids this important skill. Or maybe you feel exceedingly guilty whenever you yell at your kids or lose your cool.
Without the proper template to model your parenting on, you may be overly critical of yourself and worry you are doing it wrong. By providing compassionate support and effective strategies, parent coaching can build your confidence to raise your kids differently and feel calm in the process.
In Many Ways, Parenting Is The Hardest Job On Earth
There is a reason why parenting self-help has become a multi-billion-dollar industry. Raising children is universally challenging for every one of us. When we assume the role of parent, we often confront difficult emotions surrounding our own childhoods. Now that the shoe is on the other foot, we want to ensure we’re doing our best to raise our kids to grow into healthy, well-adjusted adults.
But, as we all know, children don’t come with an instruction manual. And what makes parenting especially daunting is that our role is ever-evolving. As our kids develop from helpless infants to quasi-independent children to fully independent young adults, we have to continually adapt and recalibrate how to handle any given situation.
Today’s Parents Are Under More Pressure Than Ever To Be Perfect
The culture surrounding parenting is fraught with contradiction. While there is societal pressure to be well-liked by our kids, we’re simultaneously expected to be tough when it comes to things like introducing them to technology too young. What’s more, social media’s picture-perfect images of parenting place unrealistic expectations on us to make nutritious meals, keep a spotless home, regularly expose our kids to new experiences, and appear fabulously happy while doing it.
With all this pressure to be perfect, many of us feel like we’re failing. Lacking self-compassion and confidence, we may seek out books, websites, and social media posts for help. Unfortunately, we often become overwhelmed by a surplus of information that lacks any practical guidance about how to implement new skills.
Working with a coach can help you fine-tune parenting strategies that make sense for you and your family. With therapy, you can identify the relational patterns you don’t want to repeat and devise a roadmap for becoming the parent you want to be for your kids.
Coaching Can Give You The Confidence To Enjoy Being A Parent
Parenting is a humbling experience. If you usually embrace new challenges with ease, you may wonder why you feel so uncertain in this role. Fortunately, parent coaching can help you gain clarity about how your upbringing contributes to the way you relate to your kids, allowing you to peel back the layers of intergenerational trauma and build a healthy connection with your child.
What To Expect In Sessions
Self-care is an important yet often overlooked aspect of parenting. After all, you can’t be there for your kids if you're not there for yourself. To prevent getting overwhelmed, we will identify what your needs are and work on ways to incorporate self-care into your daily routine. Whether it’s exercise, reading, or meeting up with friends, refilling your cup can help you avoid burnout by keeping your perspective about parenting positive so you can better appreciate the time you spend with your kids.
It’s not enough to say you don’t want to be like your parents—you need to do the work. In parent coaching, you will:
- Learn about developmentally appropriate parenting skills;
- Establish boundaries that are firm but kind, finding a healthy balance between rigidity and over-permissiveness;
- Examine your family of origin history without shame or judgment so you can identify your triggers, core beliefs, and narratives and understand how they connect to trauma;
- Discern between “good-enough” parenting and perfectionism;
- Gain confidence in your ability to teach your child healthy emotional expression and how to ask for help;
- Choose to start over instead of shaming yourself whenever you make a mistake;
- Develop respectful communication with your child, talking things through and apologizing when appropriate;
- Learn how to self-soothe so you can model emotional regulation focusing on reacting vs. responding and pausing vs. urgency.
The Approaches And Modalities I Incorporate Into Parent Coaching
Cutting-edge neuroscience informs the parenting approaches and relational skills offered in parent coaching. Drawing from the Raising Good Humans approach developed by Hunter Clarke-Fields, I will teach you how to be less reactive and communicate more effectively with your child using skills you can implement right away. 
We will also incorporate mindfulness practices into parenting coaching, such as listening and problem-solving exercises to calm reactivity and care for difficult feelings. Mindful parenting helps foster self-love, self-compassion, and forgiveness. Utilizing the Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) family framework, I will teach you how the patterns you're stuck in with your child connect to underlying vulnerable emotions and unmet attachment needs.
It takes courage to be the first in your family to break free from intergenerational trauma, and it’s well worth it. With counseling, you can build up your skillset, feel calmer, and gain confidence to enjoy parenting. Working with a parent therapist can offer you guidance, nurturing, wisdom, compassion, and support on this journey.
But Maybe You’re Not Sure If Parent Coaching Is Right For You…
Does seeking out a parenting coach mean we’ve failed as parents?
Asking for help is a sign of strength that takes self-awareness and courage. After all, if you want to teach your kids to ask for help when needed, you must model this for them. Parent counseling is a nonjudgmental space where you can speak openly about the challenges you’re encountering and discover helpful strategies that instill confidence in your parenting abilities. If you’re a new or single parent, counseling can help you get out of the cycle of perfectionism and shame so you can embrace your role as a parent.
We don’t have time in our busy schedules to work with a parenting therapist.
Working with a parenting counselor is worth making time for. Think of parenting coaching as an investment in your kids since it will transform you as a parent. If you’re often feeling untethered and on the brink of failure, everyone loses. As a parent who wants to do better, taking the time for therapy isn’t selfish, it’s actually your parental responsibility.
What’s the point of talking about my childhood in parent coaching?
If you don't understand how your present challenges relate to the past, it’s hard to experience meaningful breakthroughs. If we never examine our old wounds, we’ll keep responding out of habit from the past and unintentionally pass down our hurts to our children. Therapy isn’t about blaming your parents—it's about understanding the deep roots of your established relational patterns so you can get unstuck and truly embody change.